Parentng, children's rights, Fringe Lifetsyles

I just read an interesting anecdote from another forum - will provide the link for another related article.

There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it. He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did. Various people who called themselves Sufis, and other well-wishers, were called in by neighbors and asked to do something about the child.

The first so-called Sufi told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums; this reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar. The second told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and should be carried out only on special occasions. The third offered the neighbors plugs for their ears; the fourth gave the boy a book; the fifth gave the neighbors books that described a method of controlling anger through biofeedback; the sixth gave the boy meditation exercises to make him placid and explained that all reality was imagination. Like all placebos, each of these remedies worked for a short while, but none worked for very long.

Eventually, a real Sufi came along. He looked at the situation, handed the boy a hammer and chisel, and said, "I wonder what is INSIDE the drum?"


I thought it fit well enough into this thread - otherwise I would've posted in Buddhism Bits II

www.katinkahesselink.net/sufi/sufi-jok.html

Oh yes, imo, that whole 'by example' bit is of huge importance.....it's so easy to get caught up in 'telling' kids (other adults too) what we want from them, all the while behaving in a manner that demonstrates anything but that which we are saying we value. In short...hehe....don't be a hypocrite!

I think if I had to sum up the main theme that I parented with, that would be it. Don't be a hypocrite. Walk the talk. The odd time now that there's a disparity between what we say and what we do, the kids point it out immediately. ON the flip side, they very much value walking their own talk.

I had an interesting conversation with my daughter about homeschooling. As I've said, from the time my kids entered the school system, I made it clear that home schooling was always an option. Despite at times being less than enthusiastic about attending school, they've consistently chosen to attend public school vs. home schooling for the fact that they highly value the social interactions with their peers.
That said, my daughter has also become very aware that she's also gained first hand experience in socializing with adults...some who are very respectful and some who are not.

She explained how through engaging with those adults who might try to paint her into a box, or regard her as a cog in a giant wheel, she's learned that she can stand up and speak her truth...she's learned first hand that no one, even those who are older than her or in a position of relative authority, have the right to force her to do something that feels intrinsically wrong or off to her.

I see home schooling parents often paying lots of lip service to these ideas, but unless a child actually experiences being in a position where she feels called to speak up against authority, it's all just empty words. Home schooling out of fear is akin to keeping a cat in a box while it's a kitten for fear that it will harm itself. Sure, by confining it to a box, you are going to ensure that it does not escape outside, does not fall off tables, does not get tangled in the curtains, but think of all the potential opportunity for fun and adventure that is also being missed out on...not to mention the inherent lessons involved in such activities.

How does one ever learn that he does not require perfect conditions unless he at some point experiences imperfect conditions and see that he can still thrive and enjoy life?

The majority of kids whom I see being home schooled have parents behind that decision, who are keeping their children home out of judgement and deep fear...in an effort to shield and protect them from what they believe to be a flawed and abusive system. In not allowing these children to experience public school and then decide for themselves what is best, these parents are actually perpetrating the very kind of abuse upon the child that they are supposedly intent upon avoiding.

Children whose parents make these important kinds of choices for them are depriving their kids of the sense of autonomy and ability to think and choose for themselves. Interestingly enough, that's pretty much on par with what they accuse the school system of doing.

I'd suggest to any parent considering home schooling for their child to first ask their child what he/she wants (of course, a child must first be able to experience public schooling for a time in order to make that choice) and if they are still not clear, make a list of pros and cons.

If one sees a parent's role as preparing their child to function as a well-balanced adult, who is confident and fully up for the adventure called Life, I can't imagine why he/she would want to limit the scope of experience available to the child at an age where variety is so important.